Digitial Influence

Hey...Remember Me?

2008-06-15T20:32:00.003-04:00

Yeah, yeah I know I have been away for a very long time... But I have been writing, just on myspace.

My plan is to once again bring the fabulousness to blogspot and catch you all up the the latest joys and disasters that make up the D_I life. In the mean time, here is a compilation of my blogs from myspace for the last couple of years. They may not make any sensse but these loosely track a reduex w/ Un-Ex another break up w/ Un-Ex an exile to Hawaii (believe me, there are some parts of HI you don't want to be in) and my struggle to get back to DC. After that I'll restrt w/ the new stuff. If you're still out there...let me know!

"Craig" says hi. All references to "Diego" are actually "Craig".

Monday, January 08, 2007

Doing it My Way
Current mood: creative

2007 is the year of living my dream.

When you've lost everything, you literally have nothing to loose. So why not? If this takes off...it should be one hell of a ride. If the traditional route doesn't work out, I have plans B-Z lined up.

I feel like this is the right path.

To the one that keeps me laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face, "Thank You!"

To the one that's trying to lure me to California...I'm seriously considering it, but what would I do without my 2 furry muses?

I'm not scared anymore.

Now I'm bringing it.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

For the Cap
Current mood: contemplative

i'm in the mood for you

somewhere around 4:00 you sat in my strolled into my head and set up shop

brought out a photo album of things forgotten

gave me the eye and moved in close

i inhaled the scent that is only you

twirled my fingers in the garden i used to tend

caressed your widows peak

nibbled at your lobe

ah and now the kiss

yes i remember

the cabin by the river

the cabana by the sea

the A frame in the mountains

the couches in DC

if ever again than only forever

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Yeah, so what

So what I tear up at Hallmark commercials and sappy movies.

So what I'm watching the Lake House again. I'm not ashamed !

Now shut up and pass me the moon pies!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

George Carlin's Advice for 2007

1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: he's mowing my lawn.

2: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

3: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

4: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this shit at the supermarket - water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

5: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

6: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," .....ooh, you're a huge asshole.

7: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

8: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass.And it actually translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

9: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too fucking exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

10: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

11: If you're going to insist on making movies based on old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

12: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

13: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. Not "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Yeah, so what

So what I tear up at Hallmark commercials and sappy movies.

So what I'm watching the Lake House again. I'm not ashamed !

Now shut up and pass me the moon pies!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Rickey & G-Man, Rachel & Ivy, Sookie & Whoever
Current mood: hopeful

Yay! Some of my favorite books are getting new installments!

* Find out how that blood bond is working for Rachel & Ivy March 20 in For a Few Demons More by Kim Harrison.

* Expect someone to kill in order to save our eternal damsel-in-distress, Sookie Stackhouse, in All Together Dead May 2007.

* My favorite chef's Rickey & G-Man get an alternate non-Katrina world story in the recently released,D*U*C*K, by Poppy Z. Brite. If you order it directly from Subterranean Press you get a bonus of Liquor for Christmas (not available any other way) Unfortunately since Subterranean's a small printing company, these books are PRICEY ($35.00) I'm gonna check out ebay and see it I can nab them. I also recently discovered the prequel to Liquor, TheValue of X. The Devil You Know features 3 short stories involving R & G, the rest of the book isn't bad either! Ms. Brite promises 2 more Liqour novels before all is said and done.

* And of course there is the motherload, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows out 7/7/07, boo hoo the end is near.

OMG, I just realized what a geek I am...oh well

On the up side, I've got a nice stack vacation of reading come summer. Hopefully I will be able to get to Chincoteague at least once this year, chill on the beach with a book and a beer, maybe rent a cabana again or back to the Birchwood (but it won't be the same). Or maybe I'll be able to swing murder mystery weekend (although I don't think they do singles...) but hey, I'll have a good book. I'll stick some reviews up as I plow through them.

As for my own writing, yesterday I cranked out a new story outline using the first thoughts that came to mind since, my writing partner,QT:

1. wouldn't let me set anything in space

and

2. has been bitching at me that I've been off my game lately

To my surprise she really liked it. "This I can work with!" she says...we'll see. The longer I let it rattle around in my mind, the more it's growing on me. I'll let you know what I think of her additions, subtractions etc. It's weird, we work much better together over the phone and email than in person. Go figure.

Oh yeah, and Friday a doctor is gonna shove a needle into my chest (joy)

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Race Ya to the Airport!
Current mood: contemplative

Alright, I'm calling this little break from reality to a close. It's been fun, tropical breezes, palm trees and all that, but believe it or not , I miss the heinousness that is the east coast, If I have to watch one more kid chase a chicken down the street while a jahawaiian version of "Girl You Know it's True" blasts from a souped up Pinto on 20s I'm gonna scream.

Well, maybe not, but I've come to realize I've outgrown Hawaii, so I'll be back at the end of the month.

P.S. If you're reading this Diego, I see 20 guys everyday that look just like you (same chickpea shaped head and all). Ya sure you're not Filipino?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

You can feel the difference

What a difference a 9 months make. I feel like I've given birth to... well... ME.

Every day is getting sweeter.,,

let's all pray it stays that way.

Care Packages

2005-08-31T16:24:00.000-04:00

I care about you.

Let's break that shall we...

I-Me; one

Care-suffering of mind (I kid you not. Look it up!)

About- in the vicinity of

You-the one being addressed

Hmph.

When I first started this entry I was gonna go in a total different direction until I looked up the word "care". Suffering of mind?

Lately alot of people I know have prefaced really fucked up stuff they have said to me with "I care about you..."

Really?

You have a suffering of your mind in my general vicinity? That sounds serious. Maybe you should see a doctor. Maybe you should get away from me if I'm the source of your brain fever. And for goodness sakes don't cry for me!

Your "care" is pointless and a little frightening. I can see this intense mind thing as being something that could cause you serious problems, like that horrible case of diarrhea of the mouth you've developed. This mind cootie you have has obviously got you thinking that what you have to say, no matter how offensive, has merit enough to let it gush forth.

But don't. Your "care" is not needed. Didn't Jesus "care" enough so don't have to? Don't be so self righteous. You aren't suffering for me. You've got guilt to work out about your own crap, I am sooo not your redemption.

So please don't "care" about me.

'CauseI sure as hell don't "care" about you.

Warning Blockage Ahead

2005-08-26T18:14:00.000-04:00

Given the last entry, go ahead and assume what you will about where I've been the last month.

Damn, I'm having some sort of block. I don't know where I'm going with this so let's just try a stream of consiousness exercise.
Hmmm...deja vu

Okay, so I'm enjoying Un-Ex's company and keeping a very level head. George and a I have come to a truce (basically I told her to shut the fuck up about Un-Ex)but at least once a day she gets her jabs in. I'm in a contant battle w/ laundry...Sunday night I chased crabs around the kitchen in the middle of iPod's party.

This isn't working.

Sorry kids I'll try again later on.

Where the Heart Is...

2005-08-01T16:10:00.001-04:00

I'm reminded of a day in early March.

I was still making the commute from D.C. to Baltimore and I was soooo tired. Ya know how sometimes you get so tired your just mind just hits auto-pilot for the routine stuff (like driving home)? Well I was totally zoned out just thinking to myself, "I just want to be home. I just want to be home. I just..."

I snapped out of my fugue just as I had turned down the street to the house I once shared with The Un-Ex. Funny. Somewhere inside me considered that placeand that person home.

After the "un-breakup" it was as if the parts of me that were hurting had disconnected in order for me to function (spiritually I was in pretty bad shape). During that drive, they came back. Anger, hurt, betrayal, sadness, love, disappointment. It was the first time I cried since I had left. What made me angriest was recognizing that somewhere in me, I still loved her. After 20 min of a rollercoaster of emotions, (and a cigarette) I was able to calm myself.

"Fuck it!" I said to myself. "Doesn't matter what I feel. It's over." And then and I there I committed to moving on,rebuilding, and making myself so busy I had no time to think about any of it.

I think I've been doing a good job of it. But it's not quite right. I still have the occasional moment.

And so dear reader, I know you're thinking, "D.I, what is all of this emotional drivel about? Where are my pot shot's about Craig's weekend Ho-Downs? Commentary on iPod's new wardrobe? Musings on having George as my new manager (can you believe it?), and where's The Soup???"

Well, darlings on a dark and stormy night in fair Brookland...

The Un-Ex called me...

Life with Boys Revisited and New Characters to the Fold

2005-07-13T20:07:00.000-04:00

"The internet is tearing us apart!"

This is what iPod said a few months ago, when we first got the internet in the house. I laughed it off, but as it turns out it's true.

We've gone from nightly commiserations to barely speaking. Since I showed Craig the ways of the the wiresless, he has retreated to his room and only comes out for sustinence and the occasional NASCAR race on tv. At the moment he's asleep on the couch, not lying down, but hunched over. It's pretty funny, I wish one of the myriad of digital cameras lying around here had batteries.

iPod's been working late and ...dating (yes ladies he's on the move, catch him if you can). When he comes home he goes to his "office" in the basement and blogs away. Check him out, maybe you can tell me what he's been up to.

Mysterio, well...can anyone REALLY know Mysterio. There was a sighting last week. I saw him with my own eyes (I even had my contacts on). he was in his room, I asked him "How's it going? Haven't seen you in ages." he said, "I've been going through stuff" and then..his brother showed up (he has a brother??). Haven't seen him since, but hey his rent check's here.

As for me, I spend most of my off hours alternating between the front porch and the back stoop (where I am now) depending on if I want a view of my car with a flat tire and a gear shift stuck in park or 15-20 guys in white t-shirts, crackheads, hoochie mammas, and neighborhood nosies (0f which I guess I am). Although I did host 2 barbecues in the last 2 weeks and did some major clothes shopping. Which brings me to the second part of my title...new characters. They're new to you, but with the exception of "The Soup" I've known them for years.

May I present...

George and Weezie. Both are women and according to the state of Vermont, they're married. George and I went to college together and she's very much like George Jefferson, in the sense that she can have massive blow ups about the smallest things, like when she Weezie and I went shopping last weekend, like clockwork she had a tantrum every hour we were in the mall (granted we were there for 5 hours).
Weezie is very much like Weezie Jefferson in that she's able to ignore George's blow-ups and carry on as if nothing's happened. She's also got a bad girl side. The other night she and Craig were comparing strip clubs (who knew?).

Over here is "The Bean" another college friend. In recent years, we've bonded over the misery of relationships and her firm belief that astrology is the key. Last year was my year for heartbreak and the need of a shoulder to lean on, it's looking like this is hers, but she is loath to admit it (you know you're in trouble if Craig is giving you advice). Her heart's in a messy place right now, but don't worry girl, I got your back.

An that brings me to "The Soup". If you want to know why I call him "The Soup, ask him his name (he renamed himself). Metrosexual to the max (ya sure it's metro?). You have to see him to believe. He's a friend of Craigs and everytime the grill is lit he shows up. I don't mind feeding the masses, but don't come to my house and talk on your cell phone the whole time. I've never seen him "in action" but I'd be curious to see who he's pickng up when he goes out.

Let me get out of here, I'm just gossiping and speculating now, and I need a cigarette.

D_I Out.

Taking All Requests...

2005-07-01T11:22:00.000-04:00

Good evening ladies and gentlemen...I know it's been a while, but I'm so glad you stopped by...so many lovely faces in the crowd. I see a couple of regulars made it here, as usual Mr. IPod is lurking in a dark corner (bartender get that man a gin and tonic)!

You know, I've got so much rattling around in my head right now, I don't know where to begin. Because you're such a beautiful audience, I'm going to take requests. I've got a few titles I've been working on, so you tell me which one who want, and I'll give it to you, like only I can. The title with the most requests wins. Here goes...
*Where For Art Thou Mysterio?
*Social Graceless
*Treat You Mean
*The Bandit of Brookland
*The Un-Ex
*The Only Thing Greener Is Your Eyes

Have at it! I look forward to you requests and don't forget to stop by the tip jar on the piano.

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Recliner

2005-06-17T17:22:00.000-04:00

Did I mention that I quit my job?

I was suffering from some major burnout. You try teaching high school for four years. I remember when I was in high school, I told my teachers I wanted to be a teacher, they all tried to talk me out of it. Oh how I should have listened...

Anyway, I quit, without a definite job lined up (learned that from the "Un-Ex"), and as luck would have it, I got a new job the following week...50 yards from my house. I work at a school, but not teaching and I'm making a crap load more money than I was when I was rockin' classrooms. I go home for lunch and bake cookies. I stay late a work because my commute is 52 seconds (that's if I wait at the crosswalk).Today was the last day of school at New Job. With no kids around, my primary job functions have been cut in half for the next 9 weeks, and I'm expected to take 2 weeks off (paid). Don't hate y'all.

Life is good for the moment. I think I may actually say my prayers tonight.
The last 8 months have been the darkest of my adult life, but I survived them with grace, and even managed keep my faith in humanity and myself.

Party Panic

2005-06-03T16:52:00.000-04:00

In 27 hours there's supposed to be a party at my house...

I can't even begin to imagine what this is going to be like. Mysterio appeared from the depths last night with 2 plastic gallon bottles of "Uncle Viktor's" Vodka, and five rolls of toilet paper reminding me, "When you have a party...you need lots of toilet paper." iPod asked him about the decorations he's doing and he said he was going downstairs to cut up his newspaper. This concerns me.

In 26 hours and 55 minutes there's going to be a party at my house...right?

When I get nervous I overbook myself. For example, tonight Craig and I are supposed to go to what may turn out to be a swingers party (don't ask), tomorrow afternoon his company picnic and then our own party and hour later.

So far we have no food, no decor, it's raining, and I've gotten about 10 "I can't make it!" phone calls and emails. But fear not we have PLENTY of toilet paper.

Oh God, what if no one shows up?...Oh, God what if someone shows up? I gotta pull myself together. When Craig gets home I'm gonna get him to go shopping with me, then we'll get drunk "testing" all the alcohol. I'll make some jello shots, pasta salad and appetizers, and stuff for the grill. We also have to figure out how to wire the porn in the bathrooms...(intrigued aren't you?)

In 26hours and 35 minutes there's going to be a slamming party at my house!

Between the "mini-thugs", lesbians, journalists,Germans, playas, bootie girls, metro-goths, catholics and metrosexuals, this should be an interesting night.

BTW-Check out the 2 new links-one is for iPod's blog (the picture of him there is awful) the other is for Teen Girl Squad, a twisted comic iPod turned me on to (thanks dude, and stop calling me Brownie!)

Life with Boys

2005-05-31T13:59:00.000-04:00

Allow me to introduce you to the men in life...

I live with 3 guys. At first I was hesistant to do so, but after 30 years of drowning in estrogen:

raised by amazons
women's college
Girl Scouts
lesbians

I thought a little testosterone would do me some good. It's only been a few months, considering the biggest problem in our house is "dude, do you dishes". I think it's going rather well.

Anyway, I'm taking a moment to introdce them since, I'm sure you'll be hearing plenty about them in future entries. Of course names have been changed to protect the incredibly guilty.

Heading for the kitchen to make a gin and tonic, I present to you "iPod". iPod feels that iPods are a the latest status symbol and since all women are after men with money, power and/or status (real or perceived), having one will make him more attactive to the ladies. As much as I try to argue against it, his dance card has been filling since he bought the damn thing.

iPod was the first housemate I met and we lived on chinese take-out for the first month.

The guy at the dining room table with the furrowed brow, squinting at the laptop is "Craig". Craig spends most of his home time on craigslist checking out women and...furniture. When he first moved in he was hardly ever home, but these days he's keeping a low profile. I'm not complaining; he makes a great burger and takes out the trash without being asked (bonus points).

Hardly a night passes without Craig and iPod lecturing me on how materialistic and crazy women are.

I smell Irish Spring..."Mysterio" must be home. Unless he ventures upstairs, the only way to know Mysterio is home is by the scent of Irish Spring that fills the dining room when he showers. When he does come upstairs it is quite the treat. For the first couple of months Mysterio worked looong hours and lived on beans and rice. If anyone asked him how he was it was always the same..."I'm fucking tired, I'm taking a shower and going to bed." He's changed jobs now and we see him more often. He has a wry sense of humor from what I can tell, and I look forward to hanging out with him more often. The best part of Mysterio is watching him in the kitchen. Last month he was making large piles of cheese sandwiches. A few weekss ago he was hacking up a goat shank.

Mysterio's in charge of decoration for a party we're throwing this weekend. So far his theme idea is "Feed Lindsey Lohan".

These are the people I share a house with. At first I thought everyone would keep to themselves, but we're forming our own slightly warped community. We're having a party this weekend and it'll be interesting to see if our friends get along as well as we do.

If you'd like to come to the party June 4 email me
-Digital Influence

What is Digital Influence?

2005-05-24T14:59:00.000-04:00

My best friend was a 30 year old mother of 2 when I met her in college. I started off as her babysitter and it's turned into a 12 year adventure of kids, break-ups, friends and lovers found and lost, working together and plenty of moving in dead winter.

Anyway, her house was the Mecca for 10-12 year olds in her neighborhood and there were always children hovering while we gossiped about the on-campus adventures of our friends. One couldn't talk about the seedier details of the weekends events in front of said kiddies so we developed a series of phrases to describe just what naughty deed was seen, heard or whispered about. "Digital Influence" ran rampant, someone always had their fingers in someone else's "business" (get the picture?). If it was a REALLY good night for the girls, there was an "Oral Exam" and hallelujah if "Shenanigans" ensued.

So there you have it. And I bet you thought it was going to be some commentary on the invasion of technology into the global psyche.